Why I’m Scared to Write a Book

Posted on May 13, 2011 by Daniel K. Brantley| Leave a comment |

And what I’m doing about it.

Until eleventh grade, I planned to be a math teacher. I enjoyed numbers and they treated me right. Then I was stuck in algebra 2 with a large group of my friends. The result was nothing short of pandemonium. (Okay, it was a bit short of pandemonium. Can’t a guy have a little artistic license?)

As a result, I lost my math chops and have never regained them. Thankfully, Mr. Pettit taught me to love English.

Once I realized that reading and writing was something I enjoyed, there was no turning back. I majored in English and minored in secondary education (a minor I used for exactly one year, which was easily the most miserable year of my life). During college, I had short stories and poetry published in small, virtually unknown presses. But I felt superior because they were actual publications and not school newspapers. Degree in hand, I began covering sports for Chattanoogan.com on occasion. This led to a full-time writing gig with a fun, flexible, and easy-to-use company called True North. After a few years there, I took a job as the editor of a weekly paper, the Bradley News Weekly. When the paper went the way of so many weeklies, I beefed up my freelance work and have opportunity to write and edit all sorts of fun and not-so-fun stuff.

What I’ve not written that I am determined to get under my belt is a book.

Like most authors, it’s not for lack of attempts. I’ve got a couple novels started up that are currently dying lonely deaths on floppy discs somewhere in my basement closet. The problem is follow-through. Since I’m a Ray Bradbury devotee, I read his book, Zen in the Art of Writing. Essentially, Bradbury says to create a character, give him/her loves and hates, set him/her loose on the world, and follow as fast as I can.

As fun a ride as this technique has given me over the years, the results are always short and sweet. If I’m going to write a book, I’ve got to do something rather frightening. I’ve got to plan.

No more thinking up a character and letting him or her run until he can’t breathe any more in 5,000 words. Of course, I’ve got to create characters and give them loves and hates (the same that Bradbury recommended)—but that’s not enough. I have to figure out what they want and what they’re going to do to get it. It may seem a simple task, but I’ve had it in my head for years that planning kills creativity. Getting over this misconception will be no easy task. It is, however, necessary.

So as my inner genius scoffs at the idea of planning, my inner realist reminds me that planning is the only way I’ll ever get from the opening page to the grand finale that I pray will be thousands and thousands of words away.

All this to say, I’ve been frightened away from writing a book by the proposition of planning. However, I proclaim today that fear shall have no more hold on me. Because I am going to plan and I am going to write this book!

Note: I’d like to thank Lurlene McDaniel for encouraging me and telling me how to keep this book thing moving forward.

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Please Read Before Helping Tornado Victims

Posted on April 30, 2011 by Daniel K. Brantley| Leave a comment

Just received this press release. Please read in its entirety if you plan to go help victims of the tornado in Bradley County.

Press Release

Office of EMA Director

Troy Spence

April 30, 2011

11:00 AM

Significant progress is still being made in efforts to restore necessary services to storm damaged areas of Bradley County.

Four damage assessment teams are in the affected areas today. At 11 AM the teams report 260 homes totally destroyed, 180 with major damage, 127 with minor damage and 120 affected. Approximately 10 businesses have reported damage.

All county roads have at least one lane open, with the exception of Minnis Road, just south of Park View Elementary School. Minnis Road was closed PRIOR to the storm due to road settling which could damage a vehicle.

Four roads are closed inside the city of Cleveland. They are: Freewill Road, Blythe Ferry Road, Linda Drive off Blackburn Road, and 21st street off Dalton Pike.

A plan is being formulated by the EMA for brush removal from the affected areas. EMA Director Troy Spence is requesting assistance from an engineering group from the Tennessee National Guard to assist with this plan. Until the plan is in place the EMA has asked the state to lift burn restrictions in the County for brush and untreated lumber. That request has been granted. Burn restrictions remain in place inside the city of Cleveland.

Permission to burn is for brush and untreated lumber only. Citations will still be issued for burning such materials as asphalt shingles, plastics, household garbage, treated lumber and construction materials. Some wood chipping of brush is now under way by the road department.

County Road Superintendent Tom Collins says progress is being made in clearing roads. However, some are still one lane only in the affected areas. Mr. Collins say their work is being hampered by unauthorized traffic, especially in the hardest hit subdivisions of Willbrook, Bates Pointe, Mountain View and the Wilhoit Drive area near the Hamilton County line in the Southwest area of the County. Access to these areas is being restricted by the Sheriff’s Department to Emergency workers, volunteers and residents.

The EMA is requesting that people who do not belong in those areas to stay away.

Director Spence has expressed his appreciation for all volunteers and churches who are supplying food to residents, volunteers and emergency workers. However, Mr. Spence urges all groups to coordinate their feeding efforts through the Hiwassee Chapter of the Red Cross at 423-472-1595. These uncoordinated feeding efforts are resulting in lots of food spoilage and much of it being thrown away.

People or companies wishing to volunteer the use of heavy equipment to assist in the cleanup effort should call the EMA Department at 728-7289. Unfortunately, equipment with metal tracks can be used off roadways ONLY.  Rubber tracked equipment is required on roadways to prevent potentially millions of dollars in damage.

Progress is also being made by Cleveland Utilities and Volunteer Energy Cooperative in restoring power in the affected areas. Cleveland Utilities still reports 3,735 customers are still without power. C.U. officials expect it could take 7 to 10 days before complete service is restored due to the magnitude of the damage. Ten out of town line crews are now concentrating their efforts in the areas where the most serious damage occurred.

Volunteer Energy has more than 2,500 customers without electric service. VEC is focusing on restoring their main feeder lines to service. VEC has 15 contract crews working, in addition to their own crews.

Free bottled water is available to anyone who needs it. Tarver distributing has stationed a tractor trailer load of bottled water near the South Wal-Mart at the old A. J’s Market on Dalton Pike.

Again, emergency officials are calling for all sightseers and non residents of the affected areas to remain off the roads in the six damaged zones.  The additional traffic is hampering clean up efforts, therefore, the sheriff’s office has implement an identification system to allow only residents into these areas.

Sheriff Jim Ruth says an 11 pm to 6 am curfew in those areas affected by the storms will continue to be in effect through the weekend.

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Posted in Bradley County, Cleveland, Tennessee, Tornado

100 and 1: The Newest Life Challenge

Posted on April 26, 2011 by Daniel K. Brantley| 2 Comments |

Over the past few weeks, I have started posting some rather cryptic Twitter updates. (Sorry, Facebook pals. If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you’re probably unaware of these updates thus far.) These posts usually run seven words long. Those words?

Day XX of 100 and 1: Success

So what in the world is 100 and 1? It’s a little way to motivate myself to do a little something every day for my trade and my body.

Writing and Editing

If you’ve ever been self-employed, you realize how difficult it can be to stay on track with all you have to do. As a result, you wind up going to the grocery store when you should be knocking out work. Then at the last hour, you’re scrambling to do everything you should have been doing while you were choosing between cookies and cream and mint chocolate chip.

With the 100 and 1 plan, I’ve yet to have an unsuccessful workday. Of course, my definition of success may not be what yours is. In the freelance world, success is completing at least one story or editing project a day. This way, I will never again be stuck writing 5,000 words in a single day because I couldn’t get my writing mojo working. I force the mojo.

Granted, I always get my work finished for clients on time. But I could always do better—right? My forced mojo agrees.

Buffness

Now that you know about the “1” part of the equation, you may be asking yourself about the more impressive number. The 100. Well, good reader, wonder no more!

The 100 mentioned in my updates is the minimum number of push-ups I must complete every day. Believe it or not, I am not trying to become the next great body builder (I don’t believe 100 push-ups will get me there). I just need to do something for my health.

When our Korean exchange student moved in with us this February, we went to the YMCA together regularly. But great Scott! It’s virtually impossible to get over there three days a week. So we don’t go very often any more. In fact, it’s been at least a month since I’ve whimpered my way out the Y doors. Maybe even two months. So instead of not doing anything for my amazing physique, I do push-ups.

Challenge

Now that you know the secret, pass it on. Is there some way you could implement 100 and 1 into your life? I’m not a self-help guru, but if it helps, go for it. Read 100 pages of a book and call one friend each day. Or brush your dog’s hair 100 times and do one nice thing to a stranger on a daily basis. Whatever it is, go for it. Or don’t. I won’t be checking up on you.

Just don’t forget to compliment my pecs, biceps, and triceps the next time you see me. But be careful. Grab my arm and my reflex flex may break the puny bones in your hand.

P.S. Now that this is finished, I’ve got 25 more push-ups and my next Twitter update will be live!

P.P.S. Push-ups complete.

Day 17 of 100 and 1: Success

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Mean Editors Are Funny

Posted on April 12, 2011 by Daniel K. Brantley| Leave a comment |

I’ve worked with a lot of clients over the years. And once I learn a client’s needs and style preferences, I typically deliver an end product that needs little or no tweaking on the first go-round. It’s not that I’m some sort of miracle worker. I just prefer to get it right the first time in order to save everyone time and headache.

Then there are those editors I either can’t figure out or enjoy being difficult for the sake of being difficult. And it is to these editors that I dedicate this blog. If you’re one of them, grab a cup of angry tea and get ready for a roasting.

Take 1

The first example of an editor who tried to be so tough it was hilarious comes from way back when. I’d written an article about something medical. Before shooting it to the editor, I ran through the article one last time and compared it to the notes that outlined what was needed in the article. Everything was on point, the sentences were structured well, and the transitions got you from point A to point B without realizing you had to get off the bus to catch the connector flight on the way. So I sent it on.

Shortly after, I learned the story wasn’t good enough. When I picked up the edited article, there was a massive red circle around the entire thing. Striking across the entire article was the bold question: “Who cares?” My first inclination was anger and frustration. You care! That’s why you asked for an article covering these exact points! Filled with righteous indignation, I showed it to a fellow writer/editor.

He gave it one look and deemed it “hilarious.” I paused, looked at the gigantic “Who cares?” scrawled across the 225-word story and smiled. Then I marched back to my computer to make revisions that ensured everyone cared about the article the next time around.

Take 2

Now for a more recent example.

I did some freelance work for a company that provided miserable pay and maximum effort. It was to help a friend, okay! Anyway, after writing for this editorial coordinator friend for a year or so, she left. Instead of bailing ship, I continued writing for the company.

A handful of months and two or three editorial coordinators later, I finished a story and sent it in. More than a month later, the new editorial coordinator contacted me, stating that her boss marked edits I needed to make.

When I opened the document, it was chock full of requested edits, from the first line to the closing. But it wasn’t the number of edits that was so wonderful to behold. It was how she marked them.

“I’d drop the ‘[REMOVED FOR PRIVACY]‘ crap and just say…”

“Saying ‘[REMOVED FOR PRIVACY]‘ sounds stupid…”

Ah, tossing “crap” in your edits and saying a writer’s work is stupid. Professionalism at its best! As I read the edits, I imagined this tougher-than-nails editor hoping I was weeping over the edits. If only she could know that her comments had quite a different effect.

It’s a Wrap

All this to say: Writers and editors are a tough breed. We get paid to take and give criticism on a daily basis. But there’s no need to be cruel. Unless you’re trying to make me laugh. If that’s the case, cruel away!

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Two Punctuation Mistakes You Just Made

Posted on March 22, 2011 by Daniel K. Brantley| 12 Comments |

Note: Please read comments to learn what mistake the author made in his passionate tirade.

A few days ago—make that about a week or two ago—an old friend sent me a link to a site called How To Write Badly Well. If the title alone weren’t awesome enough to warrant some quality time there, the content is pretty stellar as well. The creator, Joel Stickley, has created the most bland-looking blog in the universe (okay, mine may be up there, too), but what he writes is so entertaining no one seems to care.
As the site’s name suggests, there are examples of all sorts of ways to write badly well. And if you check back on occasion, you’ll see that new ways are updated regularly.
All this to say that one entry reminded me of a topic I’ve often considered writing about: why your punctuation sucks. Or as I titled this post, Two Punctuation Mistakes You Just Made.
Unfortunately, now that I’ve started writing, it seems a bit pretentious of me to try and tell you what mistakes you make. But hey, this is my blog, my world, my rules. Either fall in line or fall out. ¿Comprende? Bien.
So what mistakes have you been making?
Mistake #1: Using Ellipses…
On How To Write Badly Well, Joel insists that one way to be an awesomely bad writer is to “Use… dramatic… ellipses…” I have to agree. However, it’s not just dramatic ellipses that should be removed from your writing if you want to achieve legitimacy as a writer. All ellipses must be purged from your prose. Why? Because ellipses are punctuation for the weak, the unsure, the writer who doesn’t know how to get from one thought to the next. So instead of working to find a way to connect two thoughts, this spineless writer drops a quick ellipsis and moves forward. Cool as it may look on the page, the series of three dots is a sure sign of a lazy writer.
Mistake #2: Using Semicolons;
Okay, here’s the deal. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with the semicolon. Unlike ellipses, it is a legitimate piece of punctuation. And since it took you years to figure out how to use it correctly, you have earned the right to toss it in the middle of your paragraphs whenever the situation calls for it. Then why should you avoid it? Whereas an ellipses reeks of laziness, the semicolon is filled with pomposity. After all, nothing says, “I went to college” quite like a semicolon. (Or using the word “pomposity.”) Don’t believe me? Check out Ray Bradbury’s The Zen of Writing. He agrees.
Questions or comments? Leave them below. Just don’t use ellipses or semicolons. I may be forced to delete!

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